I’ve been part of the Help a PR Pro Out (HAPPO) team for awhile now, and I get a ton of value from my involvement in the organization. I use social media every day for personal and professional reasons, so being part of an organization that helps connect job seekers and employers through social media has been very rewarding.

Arik Hanson, Minnesota PR pro and HAPPO co-founder, started a new initiative last year called The HAPPO Report, a weekly e-newsletter that’s sent to more than 250 PR pros/communicators across the Twin Cities. It includes relevant jobs, upcoming events, posts from the last week and a featured job seeker each week.

Thanks to Arik’s support, The HAPPO Michigan Report will launch very soon and will contain the same content (but specific to Michigan, of course). If all goes as planned, the first e-newsletter will go out before the end of February. It will be biweekly and will hit your inbox on Wednesdays.

Sound like something that’s worthy of adding yet another e-newsletter to your inbox (c’mon, you know you want to!)? You can subscribe now. If you have an available communications position, are hosting an event and want to share it in The HAPPO Report once it launches or would like to be a featured job seeker, feel free to contact me.

If you want to know what else the HAPPO team has in the works for 2012, Arik shares the future of HAPPO and what you can do to help in this recent post.

Confidence – Belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance

Arrogance – Offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.

See the difference? I’ll assume you do. Now make sure you don’t show arrogance when you’re meaning to show confidence. On to the post…

I’ve been noticing something in my life a lot more lately that has helped contribute to success. Once I started paying closer attention to this trend and noticing how it influences outcomes, I knew I needed to share it so others could hopefully replicate the process.

I’ve noticed that when combining strategy with confidence, the chances of success increase dramatically. Will the result always be positive each and every time you combine strategy with confidence? More than likely not. But I’ve experienced successful results enough times to make me believe the chances of getting a win rather than a fail with this combo is highly likely.

Making strategic decisions is important – both in your personal and professional life. Mapping out a clear plan of action that includes very specific steps is really important when it comes to accomplishing whatever it is you’ve set your sights on. But, I don’t think strategy is enough to ensure success. If you don’t evoke confidence and truly believe that whatever course you’ve mapped out is the best possible option, then all that planning and prepping goes to waste.

Yes, people pull off things all the time that they didn’t believe could really happen. But they’re sweating bullets throughout the entire process and expecting the worst. Is that really what you want to do? Even if you’re trying something new or prescribing something that hasn’t been done before, if you’ve done the appropriate research and prep work and you truly believe the outcome will be great, then stay confident through the entire process until the very end. And if it doesn’t work out, then you’ve learned a valuable lesson for the next time. Don’t let the fear of the unknown crush your confidence.

Let me give you an example of how the strategy/confidence combo has worked for me lately. I play tennis once a week. I played competitively in high school, took a few years off during college and the beginning of my transition into the “real world,” then started back up a little more than two years ago. So, while I still play pretty well, my skills aren’t as refined as they would be if I were taking lessons or playing a few times a week.

I know this, and there have been several times that I’ve known the right shot to make, but I won’t do it because I’m timid. I think that I haven’t practiced enough to pull off that type of shot, or I don’t hit the ball as hard as I could because a softer shot will more likely go over the net, so my lack of confidence gets the best of me.

But as I’ve been focusing lately on making sure my confidence shows through in all aspects of my life, I’ve noticed a change in my tennis game the past few weeks. I’m playing really well, I’m hitting the ball harder and I’m taking riskier shots because I’m confident I can make them. Yes, I still lose games and miss shots. But I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I started winning more consistently when I started playing with more confidence.

Test out my theory. Start being more conscientious of being confident during work and play. See if that confidence helps you achieve better results.

Do you agree that strategy and confidence is a smart combo? Do you have examples of how showing confidence has helped you achieve success?

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Anything You Want by Derek Sivers (founder of CD Baby) is the kind of book that fits perfectly with my life these days. You can read it in one sitting, and it will probably take you an hour tops.

But don’t let the small size fool you. It’s packed with powerful wisdom and advice that you can apply to both personal and professional aspects of your life. This sentence from the back of the book sums it up nicely:

Must reading for every person who is an entrepreneur, wants to be one, wants to understand one or cares even a little about what it means to be human.

Anything You Want is part of Seth Godin’s The Domino Project, which Godin recently announced is ending. Luckily, if you decide after reading this post that you want to buy it, the book will still be available on Amazon.So, even though it’s a quick read, why should you spend your valuable time reading this book? Here are five lessons from the book that I feel are important enough to warrant you reading the entire piece:

1. Business is not about money. It’s about making dreams come true for others and for yourself.
2. Don’t waste years fighting uphill battles against locked doors. Improve or invent until you get that huge response. No “yes.” Either “HELL YEAH!” or “no.” (I’ve been really focusing on adopting this and applying it to my life.)
3. When you’re thinking of how to make your business bigger, it’s tempting to try to think all the big thoughts and come up with world-changing massive-action plans. But please know that it’s often the tiny details that really thrill people enough to make them tell all their friends about you.
4. To have something (a finished recording, a business, or millions of dollars) is the means, not the end. To be something (a good singer, a skilled entrepreneur, or just plain happy) is the real point.
5. Whatever you make, it’s your creation, so make it your personal dream come true.

I’m planning to re-read this book when I have some down time during the holidays. I feel like it’s one of those books that you will whip out in the future when you need a reality check and reminder on what business (and really, life in general) should be all about.

So what do ya think? Are you convinced that this is a book worth reading? If you’ve already read it or are planning to (or if you think I’m full of it and this book sounds horrible), share your feedback in the comments.

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Who doesn’t love a big win? I’m calling you out if you say you don’t! It’s hard not to love rewards for hard work. To add some context to the discussion, when I say big win, I’m referring to:

• Landing a new client when you’ve worked long and hard on the proposal.
• Overcoming a challenge you’ve been working to get past.
• Achieving an important goal.
• Landing a new job or promotion that takes you to the next step in your career.
• Completing your first half-marathon (or, if you’re like me, you aim for 5Ks and consider those a big win!).

The list goes on, but you get the point. Most people would consider those big wins.

But do we always have to aim for such grandiose achievements? What happened to relishing in the small wins that eventually add up to a big win? Oftentimes, we fail to recognize and reward those small wins because we’re constantly fixated on something bigger and better. And believe me, I am included in all this “we” talk. I wanted to write about the importance of acknowledging small wins as often as we acknowledge the big wins because I’m not doing it enough.

Having an “always want more” attitude is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because people with that quality never settle for anything shy of great. They always push beyond the set boundaries, and they are never, ever complacent. When they accomplish goals, they barely let themselves soak up the rewards before they’re moving on to the next thing because they constantly aim to churn out great results. Employers want this type of mentality in their employees.

However, the “always want more” attitude is also a curse because great is never good enough. People with this personality trait can recognize and appreciate accomplishments, but the desire to go beyond consistently drives them to continue achieving, sometimes to the detriment of their own health and relationships. They constantly think they aren’t doing enough, even when they are going above and beyond. This can create serious mental/physical fatigue, as well as other health-related problems.

If you’ve been nodding your head in agreement as you’ve been reading this, then let’s form a pact right now. Let’s start celebrating the small wins more. We can’t save the world in one day. It’s not humanly possible. Whatever your aspirations may be, personal or professional, make a greater effort to appreciate and recognize when you achieve a small win.

Each step forward is progress toward an end goal. That end goal cannot feasibly get completed overnight. So we must practice patience (hard to do if you’re blessed/cursed with Italian blood like I am!), and we absolutely must start giving ourselves more credit when we can put a check mark next to a small win. It’s a step in the right direction.

So think about the small wins you’ve achieved lately that you quite possibly have overlooked. Think about what you’ve done at work in the past week that you may have shrugged off as a small achievement, when in reality it’s getting you one step closer to what you ultimately want to accomplish. Find happiness in each achievement, because big or small, you’re still accomplishing something (read this post about the top five regrets people make on their deathbed for more on letting yourself be happier.) Doesn’t seem like such a small win when you look at it from a new perspective, now does it?

I’m not telling you to stop going the extra mile. I certainly won’t stop. I’m simply recommending you become more aware of how the little things you accomplish truly add up to greatness. Each piece in a puzzle is small compared to the finished product, yet equally important. Remember that the next time you brush aside something because it’s not a big enough win. And I’m going to do my best to take my own advice.

One last thing – while you’re working on appreciating the small wins, stop comparing yourself to others and trying to move at their speed in order to achieve wins…big or small. Just run your own race. More on that in a future post.

What say you? Agree? Or am I placing more importance on small wins than I should?

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I originally published this post on my agency’s blog, but I wanted to cross post it here because it’s very much in line with the topics I discuss on this blog.

I debated whether I wanted to write a resume and cover letter suggestion post because the topic is widely covered, but my recent experience proves that job seekers still need advice on how to successfully land an interview.

Identity is hiring an assistant social media strategist, and I’ve received several cover letters and resumes in the past week or so. I’m disheartened to say that only a select few stood out because job seekers are still making the same mistakes. Some are common mistakes that could easily be avoided by having two or three people review materials before sending them over to a prospective employer. It’s been awhile since I had to review resumes, so along with some of the common mistakes, I’m also seeing some new additions to resumes that do absolutely nothing to help the job seeker secure an interview.

Taken directly from my current experience, here are seven cover letter/resume mistakes and how to avoid making them:

1. Making grammatical errors. I know it’s tough out there in job-hunting land. And I know everyone makes mistakes. But it’s absolutely essential to make sure your cover letters and resumes are flawless when you submit them for an available position – particularly for a communications related job where excellent writing skills are required. Like I mentioned above, make sure at least two or three people (it helps if they are strong writers) review your cover letter and resume before you submit them. It can also help to print them out and read them aloud versus trying to review/edit on a screen. Please understand how crucial this is. I’ve heard from several people that they’ll put cover letters and resumes directly in the trash if there are any grammatical errors.

2. Leading with education. A prospective employer doesn’t want to see where you graduated from at the top of your resume. Your work experience is most important, and you should always lead with that before education. You’ll hear varying opinions on this one, but I’ll argue that education should be the last section on your resume. Experience, professional development, skills and honors/awards sections should come before education. Yes, it’s important to see that you graduated with a degree related to the job you’re applying for, but professionals know that you truly develop and refine skills once you’re working in the industry. The classroom can only take you so far.

3. Making your cover letter and resume too long. Please don’t make your cover letter an entire page single spaced. I got a few of these, and I zoned out at about the third paragraph. Also, don’t summarize your entire resume in your cover letter. That’s not the point. Use your cover letter to highlight some things about you and your experience that prove why you’re a qualified candidate for the position. It also helps if you add some context in your cover letter to explain why you’re applying for the job (I learned about the position through X, or I’m very interested in working with a company such as yours because of X).

As for resumes, it’s not necessary to have a two or three-paged resume, especially if you haven’t been in the industry for a very long time. The position at Identity is for someone with one-to-two years of experience, and I’ve received several resumes that are way too long – mainly because they include jobs that don’t directly relate to the position. It’s great to show work experience, but if you are going on a second page to list a job where you didn’t develop skills you can apply to the position you’re applying for, leave that job off your resume.

4. Coming across as boastful or arrogant. It’s one thing to express confidence in your abilities, and you can successfully do this by using the right tone and selecting the right words in your cover letter. But it’s very easy to cross the line from confidence to arrogance, and you must avoid this.

Those in the social media space know that a frequently agreed upon rule is to not proclaim yourself as a social media expert/guru/ninja, or anything else along those lines. Even some of the people who I think could totally get away with calling themselves social media experts don’t do it! So when I read the cover letter of someone with less experience than me telling me that he/she is a social media expert, I immediately think that person is not a right fit.

Going back to the first mistake, have a few people read your cover letter to make sure you aren’t giving off a boastful vibe.

5. Not tailoring your resume to the job description. People from various backgrounds and with varying levels of skills have applied for my team’s open position. That’s great, but what’s not good is when people don’t show on their resume how their experience directly relates to the position. Even if your experience doesn’t exactly match what the job description is asking for, find ways to call out how what you’ve done in the past directly relates to the job qualifications. Don’t make a prospective employer have to Google stalk you in order to find out more about your experience. That should be clear as day on your resume. I had to do this for one applicant, and luckily I did because I found exactly what I was looking for online that should have been highlighted in the resume. Some employers won’t take that extra step, so don’t leave any opportunities for the employer to question your experience.

6. Including irrelevant information. Please don’t put your high school involvement on your resume. The only time I can see this being relevant is if you did something amazing in high school that is very directly tied to the job description. Otherwise, leave it off.

The latest trend I’m seeing on resumes is adding Klout scores. The Klout team has made several adjustments lately to make its scoring model more accurate and transparent, but that doesn’t mean it’s the Holy Grail of influence. It’s one factor out of several. And I don’t think it belongs on a resume – even for social media related positions. Your Klout score doesn’t tell me squat about your experience of using social media for business and marketing purposes. Klout is a highly debated topic, but my suggestion is to leave it off your resume and to find more substantial ways to highlight your influence through your work experience.

7. Having no relevant experience. I know, this seems like a given. Don’t apply for a job if you don’t have any related experience, right? Well, people aren’t getting this message. I received a handful of resumes from people who had absolutely no related experience. Our job description clearly spells out the type of experience we’re looking for, and we state that we need someone with at least one-to-two years of experience. So if you’re looking to break into the social media marketing field, you’re going to have to find an internship or a very entry level position.

I started on a discussion on Google+ about how people with not the right experience have applied for this position, and I received some valid points back about why people may think they are qualified enough to apply. However, zero experience is not an exception.

I truly care about helping PR/social media job seekers find great jobs, which is why I joined the Help a PR Pro Out (HAPPO) movement and am now the Michigan champ. I am not a jerk who wants to call people out for doing it wrong. I am simply trying to educate through experience so more job seekers stop making the same mistakes over and over again on cover letters and resumes. If you know of someone who could use this advice, please consider passing this post along to him/her.

What do you think? Am I being too harsh, or do you agree? Do you have additional advice for job seekers that I didn’t mention?

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There are countless books, articles and blog posts that give advice on how to land that perfect job. But, three friends of mine just found new gigs, so I thought some practical advice from people who just dealt with the job seeking process would be of value to anyone who is currently or thinking about looking for new employment.

All three of them happened to get social media related positions, but their advice is not limited to the communications/digital industries. Nor is it limited to people who are aggressively looking for a job right now. I think their different perspectives are very interesting because while Erica and Kyle were very active about their job hunts, Becks was more passive. It’s interesting to see how their different situations and activities eventually contributed to them finding awesome jobs.

Read on and learn from Erica Moss, Becks Davis and Kyle Stuef:

Where did you just get a job, and what is your position?

EM: I accepted a job as social media and outreach coordinator for the Masters in Nursing program at Georgetown University.

BD: I’m the community manager at Autoweek magazine, a publication under the Crain Communications umbrella.

KS: I just started a job at Ignite Social Media in Birmingham, MI. I’m working as a community engagement specialist for the Chrysler brands, primarily focusing on Jeep.

What was your process for finding a new job? Did you reach out to friends, search LinkedIn, send out several resumes and cover letters, or were you more passive with your search?

EM: After about a week of getting settled here in New York City, I started pounding the pavement, so to speak. I targeted a handful of companies that I was excited about the prospect of working for and sought out job openings that matched my skill set. Before applying, I turned to LinkedIn to see if I had any connections to these companies through my contacts. More often than not, I did, so I asked for introductions, which immediately adds to your credibility as a candidate. I also attended a meetup held by one of the companies I was interested in, which gave me direct access to those making the hiring decisions and helped me decide whether I thought I’d be a good fit within the organization. It also didn’t hurt that I told anyone and everyone who would listen that I was job hunting, which helped to keep me top of mind whenever someone heard about an opening in my industry. Facebook and Twitter also were great vehicles for outreach and making connections.

BD: I was more passive in my job search. A few friends and some of my network knew I was on the market for a new position. I did update my LinkedIn profile and spent more time growing that network.

KS: I did all of the above. I wasn’t as aggressive publicly as I probably should have been, but I was hitting the phones and private messages to my network almost immediately. I could not have done this without having a “street team” of people out there with their ears to the ground. I got tipped off to this job opening a few days before it was posted publicly, so I was able to get a small head start.

Did you do anything different or creative to make yourself stand out during the job hunt?

EM: I think two things that helped differentiate me in this job search were 1) I had a story to tell, and 2) I had a strong point of view about what I wanted. I firmly believe that each job you hold, for better or worse, helps you to continually grow and decide what your priorities are, and I felt like I had a firm grasp on that while I was searching. This helped weed out opportunities that perhaps weren’t a good use of my time, but also helped me present a strong, cohesive narrative about who I was and what I was looking for. I think I also had a memorable story, in that I had gotten married in May and moved to New York from Michigan, which always sparked questions from my interviewers about how things are different here and what my experience in Michigan had been like.

BD: Since I wasn’t really on the job hunt, no. However, everything I had been doing for the last two years came into play. I built a website and a community from scratch. I became involved with projects such as TEDxDetroit and cofounded a few smaller endeavors. I had been using social media to build these projects, and that led to credibility.

KS: I made sure that everything I was putting out there was as consistent as humanly possible. It may have been my branding background kicking in, but I wanted to make sure that each interaction with me digitally felt the same, and that it felt exactly the way I needed it to in order to find a job that was the right fit for me.

One thing that I thought was a no brainer actually turned out to be something that a number of interviewers took notice of: a QR code on my resume that pointed to my LinkedIn profile. Not only did it make the job of checking me out digitally a little easier for the higher-ups, but I used a bit.ly link for the code that allowed me to track how many scans I was getting. It was a little way for me to see how effective my resume was in reaching the desk of the (hopeful) decision maker.

EM: Patience is a given, but you really do have to work hard at it while you’re job hunting. You’ll follow paths that seem really promising but then never pan out for one reason or another, and sometimes you’ll be pleasantly surprised when that cold lead gets warm again. I’d also advise job seekers to make sure that they’re presenting the same story across all of their social networks. I made a concerted effort to make sure that my LinkedIn profile matched the resume I was sending out (yes, sometimes employers do compare them!), and I also made sure any employment information presented on my Facebook page was up-to-date and accurate. This is also a good time to make sure things like your phone number and most active email address are reflected on your profiles to make it as easy as possible for prospective employers to contact you. Lastly, try to narrow your search as much as possible, first targeting those companies that resonate with you and your goals, and then reaching out to those people you already know who might be able to facilitate an introduction to key players. Added bonus: It often eliminates the need for a cover letter if you score a sit-down with someone based on a mutual connection.

BD: I absolutely hate looking for a job. Yes, you need to network and make yourself stand out. The easiest way to stand out is to build something yourself. If you don’t have a blog, write a guest post for someone else’s blog. Having a blog is a really good idea, though. Be active on social networks. Ask people you admire out for a cup of coffee.

KS: Treat the process like dating. Don’t be eager or needy, put yourself at ease and people will take notice. Once you’ve got the “first date,” or interview, remember that there are two sides to that big scary desk. You are interviewing them just as much as they are interviewing you. Being a good fit, team chemistry and complimentary philosophies were all important to me, so I made sure to ask those types of questions at the end of the interview. If I knew that I couldn’t marry a girl who was a White Sox fan, I would make sure to ask that up front during a date. Figure out what YOU want, not just who will have you.

I have to give a HUGE thank you to Erica, Becks and Kyle for taking time out of their busy schedules to contribute to this post. You guys rock!

Can you relate to what Erica, Becks and Kyle shared? What other advice do you have for job seekers?

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I’ve noticed a growing trend in the way people respond to this simple question: “How are you?” And I’m very curious to know if anyone else has picked up on this trend.

Think back to the past few conversations you’ve had with people. When you asked them how they were doing, what was the response? I bet you got some variation of this: “I’m so busy that I don’t even know what to do with myself!”

This is the trend I’ve been noticing lately when I first engage in a conversation with someone, both in person and online. It’s rare if the “How are you?” or “How have you been?” question produces a response like “I’ve been great” or “All is well.” That type of response used to be typical. Not anymore. Now, the answer almost always has something to do with how busy the person’s life is, or how he/she just can’t seem to catch up on things.

Why is this? Are we all cramming our lives with too much work and extracurricular activities? Or have we simply become conditioned to automatically saying that we’re so busy – either because we truly feel like we are or because that’s they new norm?

I’m also wondering if we feel like it’s no longer socially acceptable to be anything other than busy. Being busy is a sign of professional success. How often does someone respond to the “How are you?” question with “Work and life are pretty darn slow”? I can’t tell you the last time someone told me they were living a slow or normally-paced life. That’s because being overloaded and bombarded with to-dos and information has become standard in today’s society, as well as an indication of success.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how different people view success in their lives. For many, a successful life is a busy life. Work is not contained within the 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. hours. When they aren’t working, every minute of open time is filled with something else (professional development, family, friends, social activities, educational advancement, etc.).

On the other hand, there are people who live a more normally-paced life who would say they are just as successful as someone working 70 plus hours a week and balancing 478484 other things in life.

There’s no one way to define success. What success looks like to me may look completely different to you. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Problems arise when feeling anything less than crazed busy produces thoughts of inadequacy. I say this because I’ve felt this on several occasions. If there are a few days in a row where I find myself having more down time than usual, I immediately think something is wrong. I tell myself that I must be forgetting to do something, or I feel like I need to be taking advantage of that down time to be productive in other areas of my life that don’t get as much attention when I’m really busy.

Isn’t that somewhat of a warped mentality though? We all need our down time. We need time to turn off. No serious thinking. No to-do lists. No computers or cell phones. Our bodies crave that time. Yet, I’m worried the nature of our fast-paced lives doesn’t allow us to enjoy that time as much as we should.

And that’s a serious problem.

I’ve asked a lot of questions in this post. So, I want to know if anyone else is feeling this same way. Do you notice that everyone around you always seems to be moving at warp speed – including you? Do you feel any less successful as a person and/or professional if you find yourself having more down time than normal? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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Have you noticed how little kids have no reservations about being naked? They don’t think twice about stripping down to nothing and running around like free spirits…even if there are people around.

This is because they’ve yet to experience some of the raw feelings that many of us adults are hit with all too often – fear, embarrassment, vulnerability, inferiority, self-consciousness, etc. Little kids don’t have to worry about people judging them or feeling awkward when they’re exposed so openly. Baring it all is comfortable to them. But for many of us, there’s a huge sense of discomfort attached to being naked.

What if I told you embracing nakedness is one of the wisest decisions you could make in your life – particularly your professional life? Would you think I’m nutso? Maybe, but let me explain…

I’ve been referring to being naked in the physical sense, but let’s think about it now from a business perspective and why getting naked is a conduit to success. I just finished reading the book “Getting Naked” by Patrick Lencioni. It’s a business fable (which is a nice change up from other business books I’ve read because it tells a story) about shedding the three fears that sabotage client loyalty. If you work in any type of service industry where you manage clients (such as my field, public relations), this book will really hit home.

“Getting Naked” tells the story of a management consultant who is put in charge of merging two firms that are on opposite ends of the client service spectrum. One operates with a more casual approach to consulting that centers on transparency, honesty and providing value. The other focuses on being the best, preparedness and reputation (the consultant’s firm).

In the process of the merger, the consultant is forced to spend four months at the other firm where he learns the ins and outs of the team’s approach to client service and how they are so successful with such a non-traditional model. In the process, he gets some major gut checks of reality and learns tough life lessons that help him realize why his team must learn to be “naked” consultants.

I don’t want to give too much away because I promise “Getting Naked” is a must-read if you’re in the service industry, but the three fears the author says most sabotage client loyalty are:

1. Fear of losing the business – Ways to shed this fear include aiming to consult versus sell (I’m all for this approach!) and telling the kind truth.

2. Fear of being embarrassed – Ways to shed this fear include asking dumb questions and celebrating mistakes.

3. Fear of feeling inferior – Ways to shed this fear include making everything about the client and honoring the client’s work.

Even with the little bit I’ve told you about the book, I hope you have a sense of why getting naked is an important concept in business, as well as on a grander scheme.

The last paragraph before the acknowledgments is powerful and is one of my favorite parts of the book. It basically says that getting naked has its benefits beyond the client service world. When we showcase openness and vulnerability to the people we encounter in life, we build stronger relationships with those people. And in turn, we inspire them to introduce that same vulnerability into their lives…and to become better people thanks to it.

I’m feeling more comfortable about getting naked now. I’m sure you will be too once you read the book.

If you’ve read “Getting Naked”, let me know your thoughts in the comments. And feel free to share any other thoughts on being open and vulnerable and what that means as humans and professionals.

Special thanks to Tom Nixon for encouraging the Identity PR team to read this book to clearly understand why we approach client service the way we do at my agency.

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I’ve never cared for my last name. Even though it took until my late teenage years, I love and appreciate my very Italian and very unique first name (Nicolena, for those of you who only know me as Nikki). I always wished I had an awesome Italian last name to pair nicely with my first name. Not the case.

Stephan is not all that unconventional, but you wouldn’t believe how difficult it is for people to pronounce or spell. I’ve been Stephen, Stephens, Stefan…and everything in between. So you would think I’d be super excited to be less than three months away from snagging a new last name that is nearly impossible to misspell or mispronounce (MAL’s last name is Little).

It’s actually the opposite. All of a sudden, the thought of losing the last name I’ve had for nearly 27 years is terrifying. It’s like I’m giving up my identity. And with the social Web being such an integral part of my personal and professional life, my last name is also a huge part of my online identity. My last name is included on just about every online network or profile I’ve ever created. I’ve worked hard for the past five years to build a name for myself (or in other words, a personal brand, even though I still struggle with embracing that phrase). Now I’m steps away from giving up that name forever.

I know there are two simple solutions: Don’t take MAL’s name, or hyphenate my name. Hyphenating my name is not in the least bit appealing to me. So I’m left with the option of keeping my name as is.

It’s going against “tradition”, but as I talk to more people about it, I’m learning it’s not as uncommon as I’ve convinced myself it is. Yet, I can’t help feeling that I’m rebelling against marriage in some way. Is it acceptable to love someone enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them, yet not be in love with the idea of taking that person’s last name? Everyone who chose to keep their last name would say yes, right?

Maybe this is ridiculous and should be the least of my worries, but then I think about how I’ll have to make all the online changes. My Twitter handle (don’t worry, I already snagged @nikki_little), my website (yup, also bought nikkilittle.com – before I was even engaged!), my name on all the various profiles and networks that I’ve created, my email, etc.

I’ve been through this name switch process once already. Back when I first joined Twitter in August 2007, my very first handle was @EstrellaBella10, and I used that name on several other platforms and networks. When I switched over to @nikkistephan in October of last year (thank you Brand Camp University for the final push that convinced me to move over to my real name), I realized that some sites will not let you change your username. Therefore, I’m still EstrellaBella10 on sites like Delicious and Etsy. So, it’s not that I’m concerned with the name update process being arduous or tedious should I decide to change my last name. I’m concerned with having three different profile/usernames – essentially three different identities for one person – in an online world where consistency and uniformity are key when choosing the names that represent your online presence.

And frankly, I don’t know if I want to force people to know me by anything other than the name I’ve had all my life. Going back to the whole personal brand issue, I worry that I’m taking a few steps backwards if I switch my name. Trust me – I do not think of myself as some celebrity whose name is well-known and recognized across the universe. It’s not.

For those of you who have changed your name or are married to someone who has, what’s your experience been like? Am I making my personal brand and online identity a bigger part of this decision process than they should be?

Obviously, I’m looking for (and am in desperate need of) some feedback here, so your thoughts/insight/constructive criticisms would be much appreciated. And apologies for the more personal, less educational/give you something of value post.

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There is no shortage of information available in books and online about how to be successful. Whatever it may be that you want to succeed in, whether it’s a career or personal aspiration, there are resources available to teach you about achieving success.

But I’ve been thinking more lately about what gets in the way of success – what you should completely avoid doing if you want to succeed. It’s much easier to allow ourselves to fall into those traps that prevent us from achieving greatness than it is to push through what’s holding us back. Sometimes these roadblocks are self-inflicted. Sometimes our environments or people in our lives are the perpetrators.

Regardless of the root cause, we’ll all come across barriers in the various paths we’ll take during our lives that cause us to lose momentum. Derived from my own personal experiences and what I’ve seen happen to others, here are five things to avoid:

1. Don’t consistently compare yourself to others. You are your own unique person, with your individualized talents, personality and characteristics. Sure, it may seem sexy to be that guy making tons of money and traveling around the world speaking. He’s viewed as a world-renowned expert, and people eat up every word he says. He’s a smart dude with street cred. You idolize him and wish you could achieve that level of success in your life.

But the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Unless you know the people you admire and aspire to be like personally, you don’t truly know them. You have no clue what their day-to-day life is like. Maybe it is as glamorous as it seems. Maybe it’s not.

Don’t beat yourself up because you aren’t doing what they are doing. Be proud of what you are doing. I’ve been sucked into this trap more times than I’m proud to admit since I started my career. I look at what other people are doing, and I allow my proudest moments to become trivial. It’s a mental game. But if you’re ever going to succeed in life, you can’t waste any time wishing you were someone else. I still catch myself playing the comparison game every so often, but I’ve learned to not let it consume me the way it once did.

True story: A company built up a really solid reputation for itself. It seemed like this company had the perfect boss who treated his employees like gold. And these employees had the coolest job. I wanted to work there at one point. I considered applying there. But then a few of my friends got jobs there. And that’s when I saw a different side of that company and the boss. A very dark side. I thanked my lucky stars I never applied there, and I supported my friends as they struggled through a very difficult time in their careers. Like I said, the grass ain’t always greener.

2. Don’t be afraid to fail. Just writing the word fail makes me uncomfortable. We’re trained to avoid failure (Seth Godin has a great quote related to anxiety and failure). Parents and educators burn the “fear failure” mantra into our brains (OK, that’s a generalization, some parents and educators).

But in reality, failing is one of the best things that can happen to you – as long as you take away a lesson learned from every failure. Failure breeds success.

When you do fail, take the time to soak up that failure. Vividly live every moment of it, and figure out what happened that caused you to fail. Then turn it into a lesson. And teach that lesson to others so they hopefully avoid the same mistake.

3. Don’t treat success as a chess game, where you take each win (piece) and then immediately move on to your next move. Success isn’t a game. It’s not a race against your peers to see who can snag the most successes before your life is over. So don’t treat it that way. Relish in your successes. Savor those moments of victory. Just like you should spend time evaluating your failures, spend time enjoying your successes.

I’m not encouraging you to be boastful. Don’t fill up your Facebook page (or worse, your friend’s Facebook pages) bragging about how awesome you are. When your successes touch the lives of others, they’ll do the gloating for you. But don’t forget to give yourself the well-deserved pat on the back. It’s OK to feel good about your achievements. You’ve more than deserved it. And store those positive feelings away in a safe place that you can easily access when you’re having down-in-the dumps days.

4. Don’t bank on other people’s failures for your own success. Honestly, can you really feel good about success if it comes at the expense of someone else? We see this in the PR industry all too often. Bad news comes out about a company, and a competitor uses that as a stepping stone to get positive news for them. I’ve seen it done tactfully, when there is zero reference to the competitor’s fail, but the company simply steps up its PR efforts to remind consumers of who they are and what they do. But to blatantly call out a company or a person and use that to your advantage? Shady. You’re only doing damage to your own credibility. And you sure as heck aren’t getting closer to success.

5. Don’t follow. Lead. Just as you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, you also shouldn’t replicate other people’s success. It may work. But not for long. How long can you continue duplicating what someone else has done rather than forging your own path? You should absolutely learn from people who have succeeded, but you should take that education and find a way to apply it in your own way.

Think of all the companies and technologies that exist that are similar, yet distinctly different. What’s even better than duplicating someone else’s work is taking what they’ve done and making it better. That’s how you succeed. You find a way to improve something – to make it more valuable.

I could go on and on. But I want to know what you think. What do we need to avoid in order to find success? What have your individual experiences taught you?

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